Last Monday, Robin May, the host of the Problem with Perfect podcast, asked me to discuss 3-4 tips for making peace with food around the holidays for the podcast. Of course, this is a very timely topic, and I’d like to continue some of those discussions below.
People seem to have mixed feelings about the holidays. There’s a sense of excitement and anticipation, and also, sadly, dread. One of the things that I discuss a LOT with clients is the food associated with the holidays, and all of the talk about food, body, and dieting that comes with it. For many, the food may be an enjoyable part of their holiday experience, but it is unfortunately coupled with guilt, shame, and dread because of all of the talk and expectations around what a person should and should not eat, look like, etc. So this holiday season, I encourage you to consider these four questions.
Question 1: what do the holidays mean to you? This is the first year I’ll spend the holidays alone, so I’m looking forward to cooking exactly what I like, exactly how I like it. I’m also looking forward to relaxing after eating the main meal. Enough about me. Where does the food come in? Well, my next question should make that clear; how does preparing and/or eating certain foods enhance or detract from what you find meaningful about the holidays? What do you wish your experience could be like in regards to those special foods?
Question 2: What is important to you about the holidays? (Hint: food is a common answer!) How can your choices reflect this? By choices, I mean not only what foods you choose to prepare and/or eat, but also what you choose to talk about. Talking about a person’s body, their choice of food, how much someone eats, etc. only cause harm, so please consider not bringing this up at all. I can hear it now, someone asking, “But what if someone has lost weight and I want to compliment how great they look?” How would it feel to receive compliments about how slim you look when you know that the way you achieved that was by doing some really drastic things that made you miserable? What if you didn’t stay that slim? What would you think at the next family gathering? Would you dread attending family gatherings, fearing what people might say or think about you now? My educated guess is that your love for your family members does not depend on their bodies at all, so why comment?
Question 3: How would being mindful and present so you can savor and enjoy eating these special foods change your experience? I promise this is not a ploy to get you to eat less. This is a gentle reminder that food has many meanings and purposes. One of the important purposes is to provide pleasure. So take a moment to experience that joy!
Question 4: Where do your traditional foods come from? If you don’t know, how might you find out? How would that change your holiday experience? Would you like to talk about these traditions? What do you know about your ancestral foods? How are those foods represented at family gatherings? Would you enjoy taking time to cook with a beloved friend or family member? Would it be better to discuss the recipe at another time, or ask if you could copy it? Sometimes my clients find they have to let their friend or family member cook, while the client writes down the recipe as they go, because their family member or friend has made this dish so many times (or they’re so good at cooking) that they don’t follow a recipe! I love this type of cooking, partly because I come up with something slightly different each time. Not everyone feels this way, and many would rather have a written recipe to follow. Do what works for you!
As I sit and review my thoughts, my attention is caught by the name of the podcast, “The Problem with Perfect.” There is no such thing as perfect eating. We’re human, and therefore innately imperfect. And that is okay. It’s also okay to eat what you enjoy, and to say, “No thank you,” when you don’t want to eat something. Eating in a way you find satisfying and enjoyable is an important part of life, including life during the holiday season.
Written by: Lynn Eaton, RD, LD, CDCES
If you’re looking to work with a registered dietitian this holiday season, or into the New Year, reach out to us! We would love to help you make peace with food while also nourishing your body.